I have written journals since I was eight years old. It has always been something therapeutic for me, as if I had my very own pocket therapist. Sometimes, what I was writing would be totally nonsensical, but I would still feel a weight lifted off my shoulders when I put pen to paper.

Throughout my teens, I wrote regularly. Some months, I would write every day, other months it would be more sporadic, but I would never go more than a week or so without writing an entry. But, after I came to uni, it all changed a little. Life got in the way. I had friends, and a nightlife, I met Ann-Marie. It wasn’t so easy to dedicate 20 minutes at night to writing in my journal. These days, I probably manage to write about once a month. And I miss it. 

I miss the relief that I would feel, I miss the way it helped me organize and process my thoughts. I miss being able to look back on how I felt about something last week and reflect on it maturely. 

So, this week, I want to challenge myself to get back to it. This week, I am going to write in my journal every day, and next week, I’ll get back to you and let you know how it went! 

If anyone out there has never tried journaling or used to but stopped, I highly encourage you to give it a try.

Film Review: Ghostbusters

I so wanted to love this movie. I wanted to prove wrong every man that had made the oh so compelling argument of “It’ll suck because women”. But I just didn’t. I didn’t hate this movie, as I know the aforementioned misogynists will, but I didn’t love it either.

I had so much hope for what I still think is a brilliant cast, but they just didn’t have loads to work with in terms of the script. The first half of the film was strong, but as the plot developed and the villain began to wreak havoc, the film seemed to loose its way somewhat. 

The cast worked well together, but there was no denying that the story lacked lustre. You would think that with years of hollywood films, writers would know better than to destroy a city and then solve the problem by just ‘reversing it’. But alas, it seems to be happening more and more (Fantastic Four, I’m looking at you).

And just to top it off, the amount of references to the original seemed almost insulting to the film itself. It was as if they lost faith in the concept half way through and made a feeble attempt at connecting with the audience by throwing in easter eggs every few minutes. I love an easter egg, but this was embarrassing. 

So, reluctantly, I give this film two stars. I’d really hoped for more.

★★

My Weekend: Relaxing in Heaton Park

Sometimes, it's important to take the day off. I've been worrying non-stop recently, and it can be hard to wind down. Any time I try to relax or do something for myself, the anxiety comes rolling in, and I can't concentrate on anything. I guess it just comes with being an unemployed graduate. I know that I should just be grateful that I was fortunate enough to graduate at all and I am grateful, I really am. But we all need a break sometimes.

This weekend, I managed to relax, even if it was just for a little bit. I went to Heaton Park with Ann-Marie and Nick. It wasn't particularly sunny, but it was warm. It was a chance to go out and not worry. I didn't even wear makeup. For once, I was able to let go a little.

 We played badminton. (Nick won - apparently he has a hidden talent.)

We went for a walk all around the park. It was amazing to get out of the city for a little while.

We got to look at some farm animals (including some very happy looking sleeping pigs - so cute!). Ann-Marie was really excited about it.

And I even got to pet a horse. 

It's so important to take a little time to yourself and stop worrying so much. What will be will be, and it doesn't help to agonise over every little detail of your life.

I hope your weekend was as good as mine.

Review: The Secret Life of Pets

This week, I took a couple hours away from my graduation preparations to go see The Secret Life of Pets. I’d been looking forward to seeing this film since I first saw the trailer, and despite mixed reviews, I am happy to say I was not disappointed. It kind of feels like a heartwarming mix between Homeward Bound and Toy Story, albeit with a somewhat forgettable plot line.

What the film lacks in story, however, it makes up for in character design and fantastic voice work. The cast was clearly chosen very carefully, with actors that children will find entertaining, and that adults will recognise and love. It’s the perfect summer movie, that I’m sure children and adults will love equally. 

The character design was just fantastic. For any pet owners, each animal displayed completely recognisable traits. I found myself thinking, ‘My pets do that!’ so many times during the film, making the characters relatable in an entirely new way. There were parts of the film that were a little lost on me, but other parts that made me laugh hysterically (i.e. every scene with Chloe) and overall, it was impossible not to like. I’d absolutely recommend this film if you just need something nice to watch on a summer night.

My Love Affair with Animal Crossing

I am late to the party on this. I think I was afraid that if I started playing this game, I would never see daylight again. Perhaps I should have listened to my fears a little more before I gave in and bought the game. 

I am addicted. For the past week, all I have done is watch Modern Family (another thing I am late to) and play Animal Crossing: New Leaf. I have barely been outside, I have barely worked. But it has been worth it.

This game never ends. It has endless progression, which I love in a game, and is a life simulator of sorts. The world is adorable, the story is adorable, the game play is fun, and I look forward to turning on my DS every day. 

I won’t go too far into the description of the game, since it has been out for a good three years now, and I’m sure you’ve all heard plenty about it. But I’m sure there are plenty of you out there that can relate to me when I say I am completely obsessed with this game?

Have you ever become completely absorbed in a game like this?

Monday Musings: On Fluidity

I'm still wishing myself back to Barcelona...

A few weeks ago, I was out with a group of friends from university, and somehow, the topic of sexuality came up. “I’ve made a venn-diagram” my old housemate, James explained matter-of-factly, “of the sexualities in our friends group.”

“really?” I asked. We all leaned in, this was bound to get interesting.

“Well, yeah. Basically, I’ve made two main groups, ‘Fucks boys’ ‘Fucks girls’ and then there’s the overlap.”

“So where are we all in this Venn-Diagram then, James?” I asked, chuckling to myself.

“Well, interestingly enough, almost all of us are in the overlap. Sam is lonlely in the ‘Fucks boys’ camp, and James H. and I are the only ones in the ‘Fucks Girls’ camp.

“Well what about me?” I asked.

“Yeah, Siobhan is a lesbian,” James H interjected, supporting my claim.

“No you’re not.” James said.

And just like that, my friend had shrugged off my sexuality, my identity. 

“wait, what? Why?” I asked him.

“Well, what about the boys that you fancied in first year of uni? And what about the time you had that musician from California over? Do you mean to tell me that nothing happened between you?”

And James was right. I had liked boys. Throughout my adolescence and indeed, throughout my first half of university, I had crushes on boys. But I also had crushes on girls. I just wasn’t ready to admit that to anyone. Least of all, myself. And I had had a boy over from California. And we had kissed. In fact, it was my first real romantic encounter I had had since spin the bottle in the sixth grade. (I was shy, don’t judge). And although I did have some feelings for this boy, it was this encounter that helped me realise that male companionship wasn’t really what I was looking for.

But, coming out stories aside, I didn’t understand this. How could he just disprove my sexuality like that?

We went on to discuss the fluidity of sexuality and how things change and maybe aren’t what they seem to be, but he was having none of it. He refused to believe what I claimed to be true, and explained that the evidence towards my bisexuality was overwhelming and therefore must be true.

That night, I had an existential crisis all over again. It had only been a year since I had come out as lesbian, but was I lying to myself, just like I had been lying to myself about being straight? Did this invalidate my relationship with Ann-Marie? Did it invalidate my past feelings for boys?

I felt like a fool. How could I not have seen this, why didn’t I understand it. Surely, I should be happy, James had just cracked the code for my sexuality! And yet, it just didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel bisexual. I couldn’t explain why, but it just didn’t make sense to me. Ann-Marie is bisexual, and I felt that I completely understood her sexuality. And yet, mine felt so different than hers. I didn’t look at men the way she did. I didn’t feel the way she did about men. 

Later that night, after I had mulled it over in my head for a few hours, I triumphantly texted James. I had cracked the code!

Me: James, I figured out why I belong in the ‘fucks girls’ camp.

James: Ok?

Me: I’ve never slept with a man! So maybe you should have two venn diagrams, one for who we like to sleep with and who we just like.

James: Yeah yeah, I’ll just put you in the girls camp

And once again, just like that, I was back where I was supposed to be. The whole thing was trivial, really. None of it changed who I was or affected the value of my relationships. So, why was I letting it affect me?

The point I am trying to make is that many people think they have a say in your sexuality, especially if it isn’t as black and white as they might like. But perhaps it’s a lot more fluid and interchangeable than we think. 

Yes, I have had legitimate feelings for men in my life, but at this point in time, I feel most comfortable classifying myself as lesbian. But perhaps later in life I will feel better calling myself bisexual or pansexual, or even nothing at all.

If you feel that someone is challenging your sexuality, ignore them. In fact, I implore you to listen to yourself, and check in all the time. Change your mind! Be unexpected! Like who you want, kiss who you want, sleep with who you want and marry who you want! Forge your own happiness, because at the end of the line, it’s only yours. 

June Favorites

I love summer. I always have. I love the sun, I love long days, I love listening to the birds and the smell of the air after rain. But, Living in Manchester during the summer has been hard. It's been terribly cold and wet. I can still feel the summer excitement, but it's not quite the same when the sun is nowhere to be found. 

Nonetheless, Ann-Marie and I have been making the best of it. We’ve been drinking tea (or cocktails) on our balcony, cuddling up in the apartment during thunderstorms and watching countless movies. Normally, the rain would be getting me down, but I know that we’ll get our fair share of sun when we go to California in August.

Despite the weather, I’ve managed to collect a few things that have been bringing me joy this month. So, without further ado, enjoy my June favorites.

My graduation dress

I only recently bought this dress, but I just can’t get enough of it. I haven’t worn it out yet, because I want the first real time I wear it to be my graduation, but that doesn’t stop me taking it out of the closet to admire it, or even wear it around the apartment.

I really wanted something sunny and bright, since I’ll be wearing the heavy dark robes over the top. And since orange is my favourite color, I just couldn’t resist this little number. When I graduate on the 19th of July, I’ll make a proper outfit and reflection post, so you can see the dress in its full glory.

Vasanti Brighten Up! Enzymatic Face Rejuvenator

This stuff is amazing. I’m all about face scrubs, and sometimes I can overdo it a little, but this is really easy on my skin. I’ve been using it once every other day, and it has been giving me such a smooth complexion. It’s a little bit pricey, but it lasts really well. I got a small tube of it in my Birchbox in May, and I still haven’t used it all. I’d definitely recommend it if need something to give your skin a little more life.

Orange is the New Black

I watched the whole fourth season in one day, and oh man was it good. I wasn’t all that impressed with last season, but I am so glad I stuck with it despite that. Without spoiling anything, this season of the show really utilized some serious social commentary to drive the story forward, and it made me laugh and cry again and again. 

If you haven’t watched the show before, I would definitely recommend it. Regardless of who you are, there will be at least one character that you can identify with. If you haven’t seen this season yet, please just watch it, and when your heart is in pieces at the end, treat yourself to a nice bath and some TLC to put it back together.

The Girl on the Train

I read this book in a week, and I loved it. I won’t go into too much detail, as I’ve already reviewed the book on my blog here. But if you’re looking for something thrilling and absorbing, I’d highly recommend it.

Raspberry Mojitos

On the rare occasion that the sun is out, Ann-Marie and I have taken to making cocktails and relaxing on the balcony. One of my favourites to make have been these raspberry mojitos. You can find the recipe here. The raspberries add the perfect amount of sweetness to the bitter cocktail, and they honestly go down like fruit juice.